Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll.
Are they not in your record?
See, several children had collided while playing a game and this particular boy somehow ended up on the bottom of a pile-up and his head had hit the gym floor. As I looked at him and listened to him talk, his voice began to shake. As he neared the end of the dramatic story he reached for his head and just lunged into my arms bawling.
Love his little heart.
For nearly 45 minutes he had endured an art lesson while his head was throbbing and he was fighting back tears. I guess once he felt like he could open up without everyone seeing him, he just lost it.
After comforting him for a minute, I sent another child to get ice and by the end of the day this little sobbing boy was eating Valentine’s candy and doing great.
But for that brief moment in time. He needed to cry. To just get it out.
Grief is so much like this.
There are times when I just have to hold it in. Smile. Keep doing what the world around me is doing. Keep my guard up.
But if I can maneuver my way to a “safe” place or friend, I find myself sobbing….again and again.
I miss Nick. At night I have been struggling the most lately. Seeing him in my mind as he was before he was sick and then even after he began to get sicker and sicker.
I pray.
I ask God to help me heal. I know He will in time.
But for now, I have to remember that sometimes life is like recess. Things go wrong and we end up feeling the impact of this world’s hard blows.
Other times life is like art class. We have to stay focused. Get the job done. Hold it together.
But then there are times when it is okay to go to our “Teacher” and just tell Him about our pain. Just kneel down and pour everything out – just like the woman who wet Jesus’ feet with her tears.
Eventually, we will find ourselves celebrating things again….like Valentine’s Day or whatever occasion lay before us.
God does turn our weeping into joy.
The secret may be learning how to NOT stay injured at recess (rolling around in our pain) or in art class (trying to hide our pain).
I think for me Friday was a reminder that it’s still okay to cry sometimes.
In December of 2007 as our youngest son, Nick, was fighting brain cancer, I began to blog. Writing provided a way for me to release all of my questions, fears, and doubts. It also allowed me to share the ups and downs of Nick's journey with people who were praying for him all over the world. When Nick went Home in November of 2008, my blog became my way of searching for God in the midst of my deep heartache. My heart was broken and grief brought to the surface every emotion imaginable. Being able to release those emotions through my writing brought a sense of purpose to my pain. Having already walked the road of grief in 1992 when we lost our daughter to SIDS, I knew I needed a way to keep from falling into a pit of depression and despair. I had walked close to the edge of a bottomless pit when we lost our daughter,and I knew I couldn't let myself get that close to the edge again. This blog has been and continues to be my tiny corner of the world where I can share My Heart as I journey through God's Word.......thus the name........ My Heart His Words. Thank you for taking time to share life with me. If we do not meet while here on earth, I look forward to hearing all about your life when we reach our final destiny.........Heaven! Email me anytime at 
Tams,
Your font is showing really small almost like dots. I’ll check back here later. You might check. I don’t know if it’s my screen or what. I can read the verse at the top by the pic but that’s it.
I cant see either! 🙁
Oh Tammy…
I’m so blessed the Lord continues to comfort you and give you so many examples of how He is there.
I continue to learn more and more about how faithful and loving our God is as I watch you walk with Him.
Yes, it’s OK to cry. And to think he holds each and every tear in a bottle.
I’ll continue to pray.
I miss Nick too♥
Tammy,
You may not remember me, but I met you at the CLASS seminary in Nov of 2007. You shared Nick’s story with our small group and gave us business cards with Nick’s website and info on it. I kept that card and prayed for Nick and your family about every week or so. I visited Nick’s website two or three times.
Then, for some reason, I moved the card from the den, where I sit to write, to my bedroom on the headboard. The card got covered up with books, etc. and was just uncovered a couple of weeks ago. I prayed for you all then.
This morning, as I was sitting in bed having my quiet time, I felt something hit my shoulder. When I looked down, there was the card! It’s like it had jumped off the headboard and tapped me on the shoulder. So I immediately got my my laptop and logged onto Nick’s website. And learned of his promotion to heaven. I’ve been praying for you and your family off and on all day. Holidays are hard when you are grieving, and Valentine’s Day, the day all about love, would be extra hard, I would think. I believe God sent that card to hit me so I would write you this letter and tell you I love you, sister. Though I can’t really empathize because I have never felt this particular kind of hurt, I know the One who can and He empathized with you so much that He made a business card fly today. There are miracles in your future, Tammy, and I pray you will enjoy them to the fullest.
Your sister in Christ,
Joy Bazemore
Yes…it is good to cry! God never ceases to amaze me how HE appears to us…even through a little boy’s tears! I am so glad HE loves us as only HE can!!!
Yes dear Tammy it is definitely OK to cry. God gave us emotions for a reason and sometimes… tears are the release we need and sometimes… tears bring healing to our hurts… and sometimes… tears express the brokenness of our hearts.
As I read your story of this little boy I saw a picture of you coming and sitting at Jesus feet pouring out your tears and your hurts to Him… and then I saw Him pick you up into His arms and hold you until the tears subsided… for the moment. I heard Him whisper in Your ear that He knows and understands and that He sees the tears you cry. Over and over He tells you… much like I’m sure you’ve told your own children… “It’s okay…”
He loves you so much Tammy and He welcomes your tears…. and when you smile… He rejoices over you. Hold onto Him and continue to give yourself much grace, grace, grace to FEEL and express all the emotions that are a part of this process… because it’s OK… and necessary.
I love you so much sweet Tammy.
What a beautiful reminder of the Saviors love and compassion for broken and wounded mankind! In all our pain we know that He was made in the likeness of our suffering.
Blessings,
Abigail @ Pearls and Diamonds