Each of our children has had such a different reaction to the loss of Nick. Tonight I think of Olivia. Bless her heart.
She wasn’t home when Nick passed away.
She had gone to a friend’s to stay all night and then go shopping at Target.
So as she bounced down the driveway with her goodies in hand, she had no idea what was awaiting her. My poor precious friend who had driven her home from Huntington along with her own children knew the whole time and didn’t tell Olivia. Thank you, Kristy, for carrying that load through stores and down the interstate for me. I know that was difficult to do. I love you.
Several of her basketball and church friends and their moms had come to the house to be there for her. Oh, thank you, Lord, for precious friends.
As she entered the backyard and saw my sister’s husband, she exclaimed, ‘Uncle Steve, what you are doing here?” Then as she came into the family room and saw her friends, she looked around – almost as if she were looking for Nick – and said, ‘What is going on?”
She sat on my lap as I said, “Olivia, Nick died.” Immediately, she was screaming and throwing herself backwards on the couch. I remember her screaming, “No, No, I thought for sure Nick would live.”
She cried and cried and all of her little friends gathered round and cried with her.
It was a moment I’ll never forget.
As she settled down, she said something that made all of the girls laugh about a little secret she had been keeping about a crush on a boy at school.
This week has been hard for her at school. She has started writing in her diary. She is reading a little book on Heaven that one of her friends gave her.
She is lost. Like all of us.
But tonight, she is sitting in Nick’s chair, making a Christmas ornament and watching the Josh and Drake Christmas special trying to do something normal.
I think one of the hardest things about losing someone is that even though you know deep inside that they are in a much more wonderful place and even though you know that you have to keep living…….
you don’t want to enjoy life without them here. It feels wrong to laugh, to watch TV, to eat….
and yet you have to make a choice to live again.
That’s what Olivia is trying to do, and I am so proud of her. A friend from church made shirts for us that have Nick’s picture surrounded by balloons with the words, ‘Remember to Celebrate My Life” and Joshua 1:9 at the bottom. Olivia wore hers to school, and my mom told her to hold her head high!
Her basketball coach has ordered patches for all of the girl’s uniforms with Nick’s name, his favorite Scripture, a thumbs up, a basketball, and “Be Strong and Courageous” on them. All the girls squealed when they saw them. Nick loved all those girls so much. He loved to watch them play, and if he couldn’t come to a game he would text me to find out how they were doing.
God will use Nick’s life in great ways in all of these girl’s futures….I know that deep inside.
But for now, we survive one minute at a time….one prayer at a time…one hug at a time.
Please pray for our kids-
Oh, I love you all so much!
In December of 2007 as our youngest son, Nick, was fighting brain cancer, I began to blog. Writing provided a way for me to release all of my questions, fears, and doubts. It also allowed me to share the ups and downs of Nick's journey with people who were praying for him all over the world. When Nick went Home in November of 2008, my blog became my way of searching for God in the midst of my deep heartache. My heart was broken and grief brought to the surface every emotion imaginable. Being able to release those emotions through my writing brought a sense of purpose to my pain. Having already walked the road of grief in 1992 when we lost our daughter to SIDS, I knew I needed a way to keep from falling into a pit of depression and despair. I had walked close to the edge of a bottomless pit when we lost our daughter,and I knew I couldn't let myself get that close to the edge again. This blog has been and continues to be my tiny corner of the world where I can share My Heart as I journey through God's Word.......thus the name........ My Heart His Words. Thank you for taking time to share life with me. If we do not meet while here on earth, I look forward to hearing all about your life when we reach our final destiny.........Heaven! Email me anytime at 
Tammy,
Thank you for sharing this bittersweet story. GOD has HIS loving arms wrapped around you and ALL of your family and my prayers for you~~are that HE will continue to hold you up and assure you that NICK is in complete joy & peace.
I can’t help but shed tears as I read about the road you are traveling. I feel so sad for Olivia. The t-shirt sounds awesome and the patches even more so. I am keeping your family in my prayers and thoughts. Tonight I will think of Olivia and pray for her.
Tammy,
You lift us up when we are down and I think you for that. Oh how Beautiful Heaven must be with Nick their!
Praying for God to carry all of you,
Brenda
Olivia,
I know that traveling life without Nick will be hard. My mind keeps thinking about him throughout every day. I’m so proud of you for being so strong and courageous, just as Nick was. I’ll be praying for you and your family. If you want to talk or need a change of scenery, email me (mrsfrye@hotmail.com). I love you girl.
Jessica (Sheroan)
thank you, once again, for sharing your family with us. i am not sure a day has gone by since nick died, that i haven’t cried. i know all those things…like he is in a better place & there’s no more pain, but honestly that doesn’t take the sting away. nick was an inspiration to me to “live life”! all be it difficult to do things, i would think of nick and just choose joy. he made an impact on so many and i KNOW he will continue to impact others for eternity!! your family is nothing less than amazing.
love you and praying,
~sheryl
I had missed visiting my blogging friends for a few weeks…and when I stopped by and found that I was too late to give you comfort on the day of Nick’s passing…I want you to know that you were very much in my heart and prayers during this year…
You and your family will continue to be in my prayers as you seek the comfort from God to comfort your broken heart…
Nick will get to spend his first Christmas with Jesus this year!!!!!
{{{Hugs}}}
Mimi
How precious. The Lord truly is blessing you with such wonderful moments and memories during this most painful time.
Love and prayers,
Paula
I am connecting to you in so many ways. Our youngest was 10 when our son was killed. One night soon afterwards, I could hear a sound. I went to his room and he was in bed, crying. He cried bitterly and said, “I want Benji back!” I just lay there with him, hurting, too.
I am praying for Olivia. Each day will bring a different nuance of grief for all of you. It’s like you go on with life, but the knowledge of the loss of your child is like a hand in front of your face. You can’t forget.
I will be checking back on you.
Love, Myra
Hey Tammy,
Thanks for sharing Olivia’s story with us.
My brother died when I was 13. A day I will never forget.
It’s been a very long time, and guess what?
I still think of him daily, I can shut my eyes and see his face, remember his smile, and now all my children know about their Uncle Mark who continues to live on in our hearts and in our lives.
Now my grandchildren will get to know him too.
Nick’s legacy will live on, and in time Olivia life will be more normal. Memories will bring only JOY.
Still praying you through♥
Tammy,
This had to be so hard for Olivia. She is such an amazing young lady. I will definately pray for your children. No matter how old they are, losing a sibling is so hard on them. I am so thankful that you share your life with us. It means alot to me. Hugs to everyone. Char
Jesus continue to comfort this precious family as they grieve. Send people to love on them.
I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars,
reflecting in the snow.
The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away that tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here
I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not far away,
We really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I’m spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.
After all, love ias a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can’t count the blessing or love He has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
Rejoicing for Nick with a heart that’s breaking for you and your family while constantly praying for the Lord to carry you through. And looking so forward to see the impact that the Nicholas Yancy Nischan Foundation will have on so many people His light will continue to shine. Love you all.
Tammy,
I found your blog today and wanted to pass along my condolences to you and your family. I praise God to know in my heart reading this you have a terrific support system on and off line and you will see Nick again.
I know it is so little, but I’m spending my day trying to find new to me blogs to pass an award to. Please when you can visit my blog to receive your award.
And know I am praying for you and your family.
Tammy,
Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing those precious memories, they have touched me in a way words can not explain. May God continue to hold your family close in his arms.
Tammy,
I wanted to share a thought I had yesterday with you. I lost my Mom about a year and a half ago to the horrible disease called cancer, as well.
I had never thought of this before, but yesterday, the Lord gave me a new way of thinking about death after such a horrible illness.
We all would have it no other way but to care for our loved ones when they are ill. However, when they get to a certain point in that illness, we aren’t able to do all that they need. That is when their Heavenly Father takes over. He is able to provide a kind of care that we are unable— a complete and total healing!!!
When my Mom passed away, a dear cousin shared something wonderful with me. She had read a true book about a man who had a glimpse of Heaven. I think the name is “90 Minutes in Heaven”. The main theme in the book that touched her was the portion where he discussed his “welcoming committee”. In his short time in Heaven, he discovered that his friends and family had formed a “welcoming committee” to welcome him home. The idea is that for each Christian making it to Heaven, there is assembled a committee of individuals who were special to him/ her to welcome them safely home. Come to find out, she had told Mom how she wanted her to be on her welcoming committe. Oh, how I do, too. I am sure she will be… and I am sure that Nick and Adrienne will be on yours! Isn’t that a beautiful thought?
I want you to know what an inspiration you are to so many. As is Nick. He touched more hearts and lives, and achieved more in his 13 years than so many others are able to in their 90 or 100!
Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Tammy,
My husband had your husband as a teacher at KCU. We have been following Nick’s journey for a long time now. I can’t begin to fathom what you are going through, and my heart is breaking with you. However, Nick is with The Great Physician now!! He is completely healed!!!! I praise God for Nick’s life!!! He truly was an angel here on earth to share God’s love and mercy. He has inspired me, and I know he will continue to inspire others. Oh, to have the faith and courage of Nick!!! He is dancing with the Father now!!!!! Praise God!!!! I will continue to pray for your family. May God bless you and keep you and your family.
In Christ,
Danielle Kyle