November 27th, 2008
Nick was determined to sleep in his bed tonight which meant going up a flight of stairs which he has not attempted in about two weeks. Erich, my oldest son, was such an encourager practically carrying him as they made it up the staircase together. Nick was so out of breath at the top of the stairs, yet he managed to walk to his bed and get into it before giving up.
Where does he get his determination?
Where does his will to conquer the unconquerable come from?
How does he stay so funny in spite of his physical battle?
Nick is handling this journey better than I am right now. He just amazes me. Here I sit, fighting back tears and wanting to scream while he is sleeping oh, so peacefully, in his Titans’ bedroom.
Thoughts and emotions are swarming inside of my head. The fear of getting stung by any of these thoughts or feelings keeps me running. It’s as if one thought that is frightening flies through my head, and I shoo it away just in time for another to take its place. There is a fine line between holding it together and having a nervous breakdown. A very fine line. I sometimes think I teeter there.
Then I look at the clock and realize that most normal people are asleep by now (no offense if you are still awake), and I justify my wandering mind as a symptom of fatigue.
Sleep doesn’t always come easily when you know the sun is coming up to a home that holds a child fighting for his life.
But deep inside I know that God promises rest for the weary. I am reminded of the verses from Psalm 63 that are hanging on my bedroom door,
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
Cancer seeks Nick’s life in a physical sense.
I know that ultimately cancer will be destroyed.
It will go down to the depths of the earth.
Until that day, I must cling to God, trusting His right hand to uphold me.
So, I head to bed and literally remember God through the watches of the night.
He is my help.
He does cause me to sing in the shadow of His wings.
Thankful for each of you who lifts our family up even through the night……..
Thankful for Nick’s determined spirit……..
Thankful for Erich’s tender brotherly love……….
Thankful for Evan’s ability to make Nick laugh………
Thankful for Olivia’s sweet heart……..
Thankful for Todd’s high school friends who keep him encouraged………
Thankful for my mom who shares this journey so closely with me……….
Thankful for my husband who endures my mood swings (who else would?)………..
Thankful for you and Happy Thanksgiving! May your day be filled with love and laughter!
May 27th, 2008
Everything seems better when the sun is up, doesn’t it? The neurosurgeon on-call came to see Nick this morning and explained that post-op seizures are not “shocking” to them like they are to us. He was very calm. He asked Nick what his phone number was and where he was and Nick could answer both questions easily. Nick does have a fever of 101.4, so they want to take a look at this for a day or so. He still isn’t what I would call “my old Nick,” but they have him on two medicines which can cause him to be a little sluggish and we think that may be part of the reason. I did ask him what he would say if I shared a “shout out” in an email, and all he said was, “I WANT TO GO HOME!” That made us all smile! Thank you to everyone who has sent encouraging emails and words of prayer. Scriptures always mean the world to me too! They always come at the perfect time! Thank you to everyone who is helping out with Todd and Olivia! Thank you so much!- Ignored: I am heading back up to Nick’s room, but I wanted to send a quick update while I was out. Thankful, Tammy and Tim www.nick7-11.zoomshare.com
May 22nd, 2008
Dear Prayer Warriors,
Thank you for your prayers and all of your emails of encouragment….I am sorry I can’t reply to all of them right now. I slip out to send an update and use a computer that can only be used for a limited time, but I read EVERY email that is sent and they make me smile!
We don’t feel alone!
Nick has slept all morning. After our trauma this morning with Nick’s IVS, I am thrilled to report that his antibiotic continued to go in smoothly with the heating pad and slower pace. When Dr. Kosnik (Nick’s brain surgeon) stopped by, I asked him about Nick’s IVs and he told the nurse, “Pull them out.” I love that man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also love our nurse! Super Donna is back from last night, and she is hilarious! She has kept us laughing.
Earlier another doctor came in while Nick was sleeping and saw our little signs hanging on Nick’s bed that said, “Nick is 13!” AND “Happy birthday, Nick!” She made a sad face and said, “It’s his birthday.” I just nodded. Then I kind-of grinned and whispered, “Not really…we just did that for sympathy.” And then told her I was kidding. She started laughing, and mom said we should have a basket for gifts. She thought that was so funny and told Donna to get a bed pan! Donna went and got the oldest bed pan style she could find and the doctor taped Nick’s sign to it and Tim threw in a couple of dollars. Then Donna went and got a dollar to put in it! It was so funny!
As the doctor left, she said, “Can I get you anything?” I just said, “An audience!”
Oh, what a nice break from all of the tears yesterday!
Nick now has one IV out and as I left to send this the other was getting ready to come out. We ordered breakfast and after he eats we will go down to 3TS. I’ll let you know the room number when I find out. Last night, Nick was eating a bowl of cereal and said, “I don’t mind being here with the free food…it’s good.” We cracked up. Dr. Kosnik said that Nick looks good!
He is pleased!
I need to get back up to the room. Keep praying!
Keep those thumbs up! We love you all so much!
Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength! We just keep waiting!
May 22nd, 2008
First of all, THANK YOU to everyone who posted such encouraging notes to me. I was blessed as I read each one! When things slow down I will visit with you more. I am in the ICU waiting room and wanted to post a quick note to let you know that Nick’s surgery took 5 hours and 15 minutes, but he did great!
The doctor was able to remove the entire tumor as well as another tumor that had grown under his scalp just beyond the internal tumor. Whew! His head has stitches from one ear up over his head and down to the other again…. it just breaks my heart.
However, NICK IS AMAZING!!!
Only five hours after the surgery was complete, he had eaten an entire chicken and cheese quesidilla! We can’t believe it! He keeps slowly lifting his head and turning it from right to left to show us how strong he is! It is precious.
As we face the next few days, it is certainly a faith walk. We just don’t know what the future holds….but then again,
WHO DOES!?!?!? I have to keep reminding myself that today is all ANY of us are promised and that we must cherish each day and live it for God! Yes, I have cried…A LOT….today, but I know deep within my heart that God loves Nick and He loves me.
Oh, thank you for your prayers! Thank you so much!!
Please continue to pray for our little man!
I love this quote someone gave me on a little pillow – “Faith begins where reason ends.” Our ability to reason through this ended LONG AGO!!!
April 7th, 2008