heart on sidewalk

I slowly reached for her arm.

Scars ran from the inside of her wrist all the way to the bend in her elbow……………..

permanent reminders of a painful past.

Addiction has a way of hanging around long after a person tells it goodbye.

“I want to struggle,”

she said.

“I want to feel pain and worry about things like paying my bills.”

Her bottom lip began to shake as tears ran down her cheeks.

_____________

I’ve faced some pretty painful days myself –

there’s nothing easy about burying two children.

But I found myself wordless as I looked into her aching eyes.

She’s buried a lot in her life too.

A painful childhood

Lifelong dreams

Hurtful adult relationships

The list goes on and on………………….

It seemed incredibly cliche’ to say,

“God will make all things beautiful in His time.”

It seemed heartless to say, “Everything happens for a reason,”

as if addiction had a purpose in her life.

No.

I had no words.

We sat in silence for a bit before I had the nerve to speak.

What do you say to someone who wants to feel hopeful in a life that seems hopeless?

_____________________

My mind was racing with all kinds of thoughts, but when I opened my mouth these words came out,

I’m so proud of you.

I’m proud of you for showing up in a world where you could easily be hiding.

I’m proud of you for having the nerve to show your scars.

She cried as she shared more of her story,

and as I listened I knew this,

Change doesn’t begin until we really want it to…………..

and she wanted change.

This doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it does mean it’s possible.

Change can never be forced, but it can be encouraged.

And Hope is forever within everyone’s reach…………..

__________________________

My life is no different.

I need Hope too…………..every single day.

I have to be willing to show up and show my scars.

It’s the only way God can do His work in me.

And, oh, how I need His work.

___________________

Life is truly a journey.

Every step we take carries us closer to Him or further away.

I love Casting Crowns new song that’s been playing on KLove for several months:

“One Step Away”

What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away
From the you, you once knew
Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track
But what if I told you…

You’re one step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone
You’re one step away

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone
Mercy says you don’t have to keep running down the road you’re on
Love’s never met a lost cause
Your shame, lay it down
Leave your ghosts in the past ‘cause you know that you can’t go back
But you can turn around
You’ve never been more than…

One step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone (not alone)
You’re one step away
One step away

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Come now, and take up your new name
Your best life up ahead now
You’re one step away

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Take up, take up your new name

________________________

One Step Away

Aren’t we all right there?

I think God is so proud when we just show up…………….

unafraid to show our scars.

He’s always there…….

reaching out……..

offering love……….

and promising Hope.

And this hope will not lead to disappointment.

For we know how dearly God loves us,

because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:5