Prov. 15:13

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

Even though I know deep inside that grief is a journey that takes time, I still struggle on days when I just can’t shake the sadness.

Today was one of those days.

I worked on some of the plans for the foundation dinner this weekend.

Todd had choir practice this afternoon, so Olivia and I ran to Ashland for more picture frames and a few things at WalMart.

Why is WalMart so hard for me?

I guess because I remember how much Nick use to love to go with me. He was such a great shopping buddy!

After we shopped, I asked Olivia if she wanted to grab something quick to eat and we decided to run through Fazolis.

As I took a breadstick out of the bag, I had such a flashback of Nick grinning and waiting for a Fazolis employee to bring more breadsticks around. He had so much fun no matter where we were! I miss his joy! I miss his love for living!

When we got back home, I just couldn’t let go of my feeling of sadness. It haunted me all day.

I cleaned the bathroom upstairs, dumping out every drawer and pulling out everything under the sink. Maybe purging something will purge me of this blue feeling that will not go away.

But still the sadness in my heart consumed me.

Oh, heartache.

Crushing my spirit.

Pressing my chest in to the point of physical pain.

I know that Nick is in Heaven. But I also know he is not with me.

Help me regain my eternal perspective, Lord. Help me, please.

I am weak today. Feelings of insecurity dance in my mind.

Give me strength, Lord.

Create in me a new heart. A happy heart.

I know You can. I trust in You.

Waiting for signs of a cheerful face,