147 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
148 My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.

It’s just amazing to me how I can look back at some of my past blog entries and read words that sound so strong………..Did I really write those words about “going for for the gold?” Honestly, tonight, I feel about as genuine as a bubble-gum machine ring!
Nick has been struggling emotionally tonight. He is so tired of doctors and hospitals. Right now he says he doesn’t want to go the radiologist tomorrow if it means they will make any marks on his body. He remembers all of the markings that had to be done for radiation to his brain, and he does not want any nurses near his hip and/or leg area.
I don’t blame him! He is 13!
His eyes teared up tonight as we talked to him on the back porch. Seeing him there in the wheelchair with his lip shaking just tore at my heart. Tim promised that we would not force him to do anything, and I assured him that we would never leave him alone with a nurse or a doctor or allow anything to happen to him that made him feel violated in any way.
But the truth is, he feels so out of control right now. And so do I.
So I have stayed up tonight doing laundry, cleaning out the frig, pullings books and stack of papers and cards from every shelf in every room and organizing them, and the list goes on and on. Anything to keep my mind busy with things that don’t really matter.
As I finally collapse thinking, “I should have tackled the freezer too,” I look at the pile of empty thank-you cards next to me that need to be written and mailed. I think of the phone calls I need to make tomorrow. I remember that Olivia’s school pictures are tomorrow, and we have to get up early so that we can get her hair all ready. I look at the clock and realize that it is already nearly 2! Then I remember Nick , who is sleeping in our bed because he cannot get upstairs to his room anymore and suddenly – nothing else seems to really matter.
So maybe the reason I am up this late isn’t really because I wanted to stay up this late. Maybe it is because God needed to talk to me when it was quiet. So as I sit here now in the darkness of the night with only the sound of our dog breathing softly nearby, I am going to do what the verses above say. I am going to cry out for help. I am going to put my hope in His Word. I am going to keep my eyes open just a little longer, forgetting about the cluttered freezer, and meditate on His promises.
Thank you, Lord, for pulling me back to You once again. Father, God, please keep Nick’s spirit free from the devil who so desperately wants to rob, kill, and destroy his joy. In the Name of Your Son Jesus, I proclaim freedom for Nick’s spirit and healing for his body, Lord. I know You love Nick. I know Your plans for Nick are not to harm him but to give him a hope and a future. So in the name of Jesus, I claim these promises for him. In Your Son’s Precious and Holy Name, I Pray, Amen