February 22nd, 2018
Long nights with little sleep.
It’s hard to even remember all the things that used to be part of my motherhood story.
Like the voices of my children floating through the house,
the memories of things that once completely wore me out are slowly fading away.
I’m not sure if these memories seem foggy because they feel so distant,
or if they’ve just been buried under all the new things motherhood has brought my way.
I try to get up early.
Spend time with God before I walk out the door.
Read my Bible.
Plow through the Old Testament stories of God trying desperately to lead His people to a better land.
Drink hot tea.
And all the while,
my mind wanders……
just like the Israelites in the desert.
Are my kids okay?
Are they happy?
Do they know how much I love them?
Are they searching too?
Do they want to know Him more than they did yesterday?
Did I do enough to make that pursuit attractive?
For me, the hardest part of motherhood is definitely this newest chapter.
Trusting God to fill in all the gaps,
cover all the wounds,
be the feathers I used to be.
And as I think those words,
He’s had enough.
He pries my hands away from all I’m clinging to and very gently says,
“I’ve always been their feathers.”
I look up.
Toward the wall in front of me.
childhood artwork drawn by little hands.
Chapters of life I thought I controlled.
Who did I think I was?
I stumbled then just as I stumble now.
I may have been carrying my kids,
but God was carrying me.
And does that mean He was carrying them too?
Why do I fret?
Why do I allow so much of my mind to become consumed with their journeys,
their relationships with God………………….
when I often struggle with my very own??
Motherhood never ends –
But neither does God’s pursuit of me
or my children……………..
After all, they were His long before He loaned them to me.
And He uses everything to keep them close or draw them back,
the hard times and the easy,
whatever it takes to pull them closer to Him.
as I head toward a day filled with my own kind of work,
I’ve got to allow God to do His.
Maybe confessing my struggle to the world will somehow completely release my heart and mind from all that’s been weighing them down.
Help me, Lord.
I am one of yours.
and my children are too.
You love them each more than I ever could.
What more do I really need to know today?
You’re always working for good.
Draw my children near to You.
Cover them with your feathers.
As you always have.
And let me fly………………….freely trusting You to meet their every need.
I love you so much, Lord.
Thank you for pulling me back to you,
time and time again.
for the first time in a long time,
I feel a little better.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
February 21st, 2018
Friendship became more than a word as Luke and Olivia’s wedding approached.
About love, when it is time to say it, may you say it.
When it is time to show it, may you show it.
When it is time to prove it, may you prove it.
When it is time to sacrifice, may you sacrifice.
When it is time to create indelible memories, may you do so.
February 15th, 2018
Round and round, thoughts spin in my head.
How does our world have the capacity to hold so much good……………
and yet have room for so much evil?
Yesterday, evil pushed its way into our country…….once again
and tried to take over.
It forcefully took what was never meant for it to have
and left our nation staring at screens,
Evil never makes sense.
We can ask a hundred questions.
We can ask them all day long;
but even if we come up with as many answers as to why……….
evil leaves us empty.
Evil only wins, though, if it turns us into anything less than good.
Because the only way to overcome evil is with the very thing it hates.
Love sees beyond the face of the one who carries hurt into a school and isn’t afraid to ask,
“What is really going on here?”
Our nation has a problem,
and it’s bigger than “who is holding what” or “how they acquired it.”
It’s bigger than any laws or the lack of them.
Evil is a heart issue.
And no amount of law passing can change a heart.
We can pretend evil is humanly fixable…….
because fixing things is what we all want to do.
Some things are just too broken for human hands.
And this world is one of those things.
We need more than a manmade
or whatever-you-want-to-call-it today………
And maybe that’s part of the problem.
We’re so caught up in word usage these days that we’re missing the eyes of the very children we’re trying to teach to read them.
We are a broken world and a confusing one.
Today, the media and our government have no problem sending out “prayers” to the hurting,
but tomorrow they may very well call into question anyone trying to pray within a school building.
No wonder our children often feel lost.
We teach them to want God when they need Him
but to push Him away when they think they don’t.
We’ve got to change this mixed message
unless we think the next generation can survive by bouncing back and forth between faith and self-sufficiency.
There are so many things I want my granddaughter and every other child to know,
but today I want them to know that no matter how evil the world seems…………….
good is still here.
If they’ll only look up.
He is the answer.
He is the way.
Every single day.
He is the Healer of all that is broken.
And there’s no law that can take away, change, or override that truth.
Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts,
would know that they do want, and want acutely,
something that cannot be had in this world.
There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you,
but they never quite keep their promise.