I Just Didn’t Know it Would Be This Difficult….


I’m leaving in about an hour to go meet with a friend who is a going to help us design Nick’s tombstone.

PA100249  I guess we’ve been putting it off because we knew how painful it would be to dig back into the past and realize once again in such a very real way just how much life has changed since Nick went Home.100_9200

It’s amazing to me how many memories we made with Nick.

How many smiles he gave to us and to so many others.


   Tim and I both spent hours yesterday clicking through pictures on our computers and digging through Nick’s memory box.  We haven’t really talked about how we feel.  It’s just too painful.  I cry alone.  And I know he does too.  It’s almost as if we both know that sharing each other’s hurt just isn’t possible right now. 

Goodness.  Grief doesn’t seem to get easier sometimes.  I feel as if I walk three steps forward and then fall four steps backward. 

Just pray for us today.  Please.

I’ll share about the retreat soon.  The ladies who pulled it together did such a wonderful job.  I was blessed to be there.

But for today, I have to do something I have put off for months.

Somehow create a beautiful reminder of the life Nick lived so courageously.

My only desire is for people who walk through the cemetery and stop at Nick’s grave to see a boy who lived life with joy because he knew there was more to this world than this world.

Thank you for every prayer. 

10 thoughts on “I Just Didn’t Know it Would Be This Difficult….

  1. I never considered a headstone as important, until we had to pick out Peyton’s. We did it relatively soon. I had gone online and picked out the shape and was able to verify at the monument store it was the one. We then sat in the office looking at the computer screen trying to make it look just as we wanted. I realized, this is the last thing I will ever purchase for my son.

    You may be walking 3 steps forward, but sometimes you may fall “2” steps back. You are gaining ground, it is just slow and painful.

    Praying for you today as you make your decisions.

  2. Don’t forget as you go out today that the Lord Jesus Christ has victory over the grave. And because of that Nick does too. Praying for your precious family today. Hugs…

  3. I love you! You and Tim and your family have been such a blessing to my family. Nick was an awesome amazing kid and I am so happy to have been one of those people that he touched. My prayers will be with you today and this week and I cant wait to see you.
    Christine Adams

  4. Praying now for the God of all comfort to be with you both.

    I can’t imagine how hard it would be to bring honor to such a BRAVE WARRIOR who lived life and Jesus with all of his heart.

    God will be with you, He’s gone ahead of you. Waiting to catch each fall.

    Sending so much love your way♥

  5. You are not alone, remember Jesus carries you when you can’t make it by yourself. Grief hurts and losing a child is unthinkable. It’s not a year. Give yourself time, and more time. Peace will come to you someday. I know a person who put a picture of her son etched into the stone, forever young. My prayers are with you every day. Go bless you and remember take each as it comes. Love to you in our Lord, sandy from MD

  6. Oh Tammy,

    I know how hard this is for you and Tim. We HAD to pick out Scotts headstone right after he passed away. It was very emotional and heart breaking. His friends had a car wash the day he went home and raised just enough money to pay for his headstone. I will send you a picture sometime just so you can see it. I love you and wish I could hug you. Char