Scrabble makes it seem so easy.
The creating of words.
The building of a story.
The crossing over of things like love and hope.
Social Media makes it look easy too.
People feeling so blessed and thankful.
My Facebook wall is no different………………..I share the highs and spare the world my lows.
Even though my heart does overflow with many reasons to say “thank you”,
it’s also very heavy……………
And every time I try to blog, I’m reminded of the heaviness.
I sit at my computer and quickly realize there’s no hiding on a white screen.
It’s not easy to form words into sentences when you’re doing your best to just get ornaments on your tree.
And that’s where I’m at these days…………………
knowing words like
all overlap and intertwine and matter,
but struggling to make them come together in a way that makes sense.
So what do I do when I can’t write, when I can’t form words into sentences?
I do what I can.
I clean out a closet
or take more pictures
or move a piece of furniture
or write a paper for class
or even try to decorate my tree.
Because sometimes Scrabble and Social Media are the only places to see things like love and hope come together when everywhere else they seem so far apart.
Maybe moving my fingers across the keyboard will be enough to release me.
Maybe just typing out the line,
“Life is hard,”
will soften the rough edges.
The Rubbermaid container filled with mangled Christmas memories seemed to overflow with reminders………………
I hung them one by one.
Alone, they were just words.
But on the tree…………
in the glimmering lights…………
they spoke to me.
As I placed them on the branches, I felt them speaking……………………..
“Do what we do, Tammy………………….just hang on.”
And something washed over me with each ornament I added.
I held on to each one for a minute.
I thought about what they really meant…………………
Believe – to feel sure of, to accept as true.
I believe the Christmas story.
I believe in the power of Jesus’ name.
Joy – a feeling of great happiness.
I hesitate with this one.
I remember Psalm 126:6
Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
I have shed many tears, this I know.
And I do try so hard to carry seed to sow.
Today, I hang this word trusting in a harvest.
Today, the promise of sheaves has to be enough.
Love – an intense feeling of deep attraction.
This one’s easy.
I love God.
I love people.
I love life.
Peace – freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility.
My fingers lock as I hold it.
Why am I struggling so?
I remember a verse that helped me realize it may not just be me………..
Seek peace and pursue it.
It sounds like peace may be something that enjoys hiding…………..even running.
I must seek peace.
I must pursue it.
I choose a branch.
I speak the word out loud as I wrap it around the evergreen.
Just hearing it helps.
I feel something wash over me as I step back.
I examine all the ornaments in place, and I imagine them whispering,
“Just hang on.“
Nothing’s changed, really.
Life is still hard.
But I’m not the same woman who reached into the tub in search of ornaments.
I found something there.
I found joy and peace.
And isn’t that just like God to hide treasures in a Rubbermaid container?
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.