When You Wonder What Just Happened

The sign reads,

“Quiet Corner”

and sits on the end table in our back room.

It has sat here all summer,

patiently waiting for me,

while my life has been anything but quiet.

From the loss of my dad

to the wedding of Todd and Jessalyn

to the temporary move-in of Erich, Mallory, and Elaine before they leave for France

to the moving far away of Luke and Olivia,

the past three months have swept my family up into a whirlwind and kept us spinning –

round and round.

Many things have settled down into a new, not-always-easy, kind of normal.

Some are still spinning.

But I knew my heart could spin no longer.

It was time to face the one spot I’ve avoided all summer long –

for fear of what my heart might say.

Because sometimes when you wonder what just happened,

you honestly don’t want to know.

So much is different these days.

So many times I want to send a text then remember all over again –

the person who should answer isn’t able to anymore.

The silence is deafening.

The packing and unpacking of boxes,

the shifting of rooms,

my house has been a turn-style door of change.

In the back of my mind I’ve wondered what was happening in the Bible

to men like David and Solomon,

but sometimes life is just too busy to care.

And if I’m really honest,

I haven’t missed the battles of the Israelites.

My life has had enough battles of its own.

Old Testament sacrifices don’t hold a candle to the letting go of a child called to ministry many miles from home.

I’d put a cow on an altar any day.

So it took a determination deeper than any I thought possible to set my alarm for 5 a.m. this morning…..

and have the courage to sit down next to this sign,

“Quiet Corner……Be Still.”

Running is so much easier.

——————

I pulled out my old chronological Bible last night…….

the one with dates marking each day.

Like every other aspect of my life,

I knew my morning routine needed a change in order to get back on track.

And wouldn’t you know,

I get to visit Job all over again.

Of course.

I’m convinced God has a sense of humor.

And sometimes it seems kind-of dark.

September 9th is one of those days.

But I read it anyway.

God also has a way of making His point.

——————

Headings like “Expectancy of Hardship,”

“Everyone Has Trouble,”

and

“Bitterness of Pain”

weren’t on my list of inspirational hopes this morning.

But here I sit –

wondering what just happened to Job

and what just happened to me.

———————–

Job wrestled with God a long time before life made sense again.

Why do I think I deserve a short cut?

King’s Island may sell a fast pass for those who don’t want to wait in line,

but life doesn’t come with the same kind of offer.

And quiet corners don’t either.

They also don’t come with remote controls that fast forward past the pain.

They just come with space to feel it.

And I think that’s what I’ve been trying to avoid.

So this morning, like my good friend Job,

I’ll sit for a while in the ashes.

And tomorrow I will too.

As a matter of fact,

I’ll sit here as long as I need to.

Because when you wonder what just happened,

you need time to figure it out.

And if there’s one thing God offers freely every morning,

it’s just that.

TIME

Jacob, just like Job, wrestled with his life too.

And he didn’t stop until he received a blessing.

I’m finally feeling strong enough to wrestle that long myself.

So if you pass by me today as I venture back to work

and I seem a little preoccupied,

just know a big part of my heart is at home –

in my quiet corner,

sitting in ashes,

wrestling with God.

Because when you wonder what just happened,

it’s okay to take your time coming up with an answer.

(Today’s reading was from Job 4:1-21; Job 5:1-27; Job 6:1-30; and Job 7:1-21.)

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