I am struggling………

even while I have this hope.

I can’t imagine where I’d be without it.

Christ says,

“If anyone is thirsty, they should come to me and drink.” (John 7:37)
“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)
“If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.” (John 8:31)

And regarding a man blind from birth, Jesus says,

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (John 9:3-4)

I believe these words….all of them.

I really do.

But somehow grief, like some sort of monster, plays games with my minds.

I feel parched spiritually even though I stay deep in the Word.

I feel darkness around me even though I strive to stay in the light.

I do not feel like one of Jesus’ disciples even though I love Him more than anyone in this world.

I feel guilt even though I KNOW I did not cause Nick to be sick.

Oh, grief.

You are cruel.

So, I look to II Corinthians and I keep praying this passage.

Lord, demolish all arguments that set themselves up against Your knowledge. Take all of my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Your Son.

Captive, Lord. I long to take all my grief-driven thoughts captive. Put them behind bars. Lock them up for life.

And yet I know that somehow because of the evil of this world and the somewhat limited and yet often effective power of the devil, the bars are loosened time and time again……….

Freeing my thoughts to wander, scramble, stray, doubt, fear……………

So, my prayer tonight is that every time I feel the door swinging open I will become more and more equipped to shut it quickly and bravely.

When I am afraid, I will trust in You
In God Whose Word I praise!!!!!!!!!!