I’m going to be very transparent (imagine that).
I have felt so wordless the past week or so.
I have been very busy. Evan’s girlfriend got her driver’s license and we have spent a lot of time preparing for that and then getting Evan’s old car fixed up for her to drive. I have been trying to wrap up things with Nickapalooza and get some paperwork complete. I’ve been doing some porch cleaning (thank you, Tim, for the help!). I’ve been reading every chance I can….filling myself with lots of different words from lots of different books……..but the words inside of me are stuck right now.
I’m not sure what is holding them back.
I’ve had laryngitis ever since Nickapalooza, so I thought maybe more words would come from my fingers since my voice was lacking ability….but God seemed to shut down all forms of communication for a little season.
My voice has been back for a couple of days (sorry to everyone who has to listen to me use it again).
But my ability to write just isn’t there.
In a way I think it’s a little phase where I need to be filling my pitcher back up…….it’s hard to pour from an empty pitcher (I’ve heard that somewhere before, so I didn’t create that on my own).
Tim and I are both hitting a different level of grief as football season sneaks up on us. This was Nick’s favorite time of year!!!
And flashes of last July keep popping into my mind. This is the month when news became bad and then just got worse and worse. So many emotions everyday. I remember crying so much that I was sick. I remember one time when I ran from our house across the street into the middle of the soccer field just sobbing after getting off the phone with Tim who was with Nick at the hospital. Thank you to my friends who were there to follow me as I ran, but also thank you for giving me space to deal with the devastating news on that day.
It’s just a different chapter in our journey, I know.
We’re coming down off the excitement of the big music festival and just like the pre-event anxiety and fear there is also the post-event “let-down” and fatigue.
We’re heading to a family reunion this weekend 10 hours away. One that happens once every there years. The last reunion was just 6 weeks before Nick began his long 2 1/2 year long intense fight with cancer as he came out of remission in August of 2006 after a four-year period of clear MRIs.
Just remembering all of the celebrations and devastations over the past three years is more than I can take at times.
But, I want you to know that in spite of all of this rambling, we are really doing well.
Yes, we cry often. But we smile and laugh often too.
Olivia is having a fun week of day camp with her middle school friends and then basketball tryouts immediately following each day. Todd has started soccer practice daily. Evan finished up his Morehead job and is now working at the theater in Ashland for the rest of the summer. Erich is LOVING Africa, which reminds me that I have something to share with you later that he wrote on facebook. We get to see him in just two weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In spite of my loss for words, I’ve managed to at least squeeze out these random thoughts.
Just know I love you all.
Just know I am thankful for all of you.
Just know that the words will return……………….
Because His Word is eternal…………
Thankful for His Eternal and Living Word,