I would like to think that after all I have been through with my son, Nick, in the past 6 years, that not much would rattle me.
After all, hearing that your son has a brain tumor four different times should make everything else in the world seem so insignificant.
But, I have to admit that there are moments when normal, every day situations send my emotions spiraling downhill much more quickly than not-so-great news from a doctor.
For example, yesterday after hearing that Nick’s MRI showed a small white line that his brain surgeon feels is scar tissue, I was disappointed yet thankful that nothing worse was found. I was able to praise God and enjoy the rest of the afternoon. However, around 5 I was reminded that one of my other sons needed a white shirt for a band concert that he needed to be at in 30 minutes. I won’t give you every minor detail, but I will just say that by the time we ran to KMart and discovered that long-sleeve shirts are now out of season and then ran to a friend’s house to borrow one of her husband’s shirt, I was angry. Not because of the stress but because of my son’s spirit of unthankfulness.
Tonight, I walked upstairs to find that both my daughter and one of my son’s bedrooms were trashed. As I looked into the rooms, I felt such a feeling of anger swelling inside of me, because earlier in the evening EACH of these children had acted restless and bored. I had worked to make their evenings more enjoyable and now I realized that the one thing they could have done to pass their time was CLEAN THEIR ROOMS!
Fortunately, a still small voice reminded me that God must feel like this with me many times. In Numbers and in II Kings we are told that God “burned with anger” against his people. Both of these times it was because of their disobedience to His commands. Ouch! How many times have I not obeyed God? How many times have caused His anger to burn?
I looked up the word “anger” in the back of my Bible and found a verse that made me thankful that tonight I had kept from blowing my cool…..in Proverbs 29:11 it says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger; but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Oh, thank you, Lord, for allowing me to remain calm even when anger burned inside me. And thank you, Lord, for staying calm even when I stumble and am disobedience and cause anger to burn within You.
I have given Nick’s situation to God and tried my best to live each day with joy and peace.
I believe the Lord is asking me to give my kid’s bedrooms to Him too……