Deep faith comes through trusting God in spite of our fear. This makes prayer complicated to me in one way and very freeing in another.

In just an hour and a half I am taking Nick for bloodwork and an appointment with his pediatrician because he is not feeling well and we are concerned. On the one hand, I ask for prayer that Nick is okay. I beg God to totally heal Nick. And yet, because of my deep faith in God, I trust Him no matter what.

That’s where prayer gets complicated for me. What I long for I no longer expect. What I ask for I no longer feel entitled to. So as I pray, my heart and mind leap back and forth from my human mommy heart to my trusting child-of-the-King heart. This dancing between both worlds can be exhausting.

And yet I trust.

This is where prayer is freeing. I place Nick in God’s hands daily and especially today as I prepare to tell him that we are headed to Ashland for an appointment (he won’t be happy about a needle). Once I situate Nick right on the lap of His Creator, nestled in the arms of the One who knew him before He was even born, I feel peace. Where else would I want Nick right now?

So today, I understand the verses that talk about “fear and trembling” in the presence of the Lord. For, as I trust Him I also do not know His plans. So I humbly ask for healing for Nick. I ask for wisdom for the doctors, and I ask for peace for Nick as he faces this day.

I pray Joshua 1:9 with Nick’s name. “Nick, be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged. For the Lord our God is with you wherever you go.”