September 30th, 2009
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
Praying that I can learn how to balance all the different aspects of parenting, so that Tim and I can raise Todd and Olivia to love God with their entire hearts and souls!
Realizing that even in my grief I am being called to be a quality mom.
Open to any words of wisdom on parenting…….
Remembering a t-shirt I read one time that said,
“Teenagers help me understand why many animals eat their young.”
Enough said for tonight,
September 29th, 2009
Just wanted to post a quick note of thanks for all of your prayers and sweet thoughts.
Yesterday was such a rough day for me.
Thankfully, Todd’s game was cancelled and Tim was able to be with Olivia for hers so I stayed home in the evening and just had some time to clean a little and do some good crying.
I was “forced” out into the world today, because I had committed to subbing for a friend a long time ago. It was good for me to be out and about……..hearing kids say silly things like, “Ms. NahNah” as my name. Nischan isn’t always the easiest name for kids to remember.
And one little girl asked if I subbed in her class last year and gave them each a coin. She was so excited to tell me that she still has her rupee!! That made me smile!
I’m thankful even in the midst of my sadness. Tim and I have texted back and forth today about Nick, about his life, about his grave……it’s been good.
We are both so sad and yet want to be so happy for Nick. He’s the winner, because Jesus conquered the grave!
It’s a daily decision we have to make: to get bitter or get better, to resist pain or accept it, to live in misery or in victory………
Thank you for lifting us up as we strive to live for Him who gives us Eternal Hope.
Praying for you too!
September 28th, 2009
I’m leaving in about an hour to go meet with a friend who is a going to help us design Nick’s tombstone.
It’s amazing to me how many memories we made with Nick.
How many smiles he gave to us and to so many others.
Tim and I both spent hours yesterday clicking through pictures on our computers and digging through Nick’s memory box. We haven’t really talked about how we feel. It’s just too painful. I cry alone. And I know he does too. It’s almost as if we both know that sharing each other’s hurt just isn’t possible right now.
Goodness. Grief doesn’t seem to get easier sometimes. I feel as if I walk three steps forward and then fall four steps backward.
Just pray for us today. Please.
I’ll share about the retreat soon. The ladies who pulled it together did such a wonderful job. I was blessed to be there.
But for today, I have to do something I have put off for months.
Somehow create a beautiful reminder of the life Nick lived so courageously.
My only desire is for people who walk through the cemetery and stop at Nick’s grave to see a boy who lived life with joy because he knew there was more to this world than this world.
Thank you for every prayer.
September 25th, 2009
3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
September 24th, 2009
Tomorrow I’m subbing again at the middle school, and I’m so excited because I get to wear one of Nick’s Titans’ jerseys!!!
I love any chance to feel nearer to Nick. I know kids will remember him tomorrow and share stories about him, and that always makes me smile!!!
Goodness, grief is such a monster. I take deep breaths and press on.
Nick, you continue to make me a better person. Thank you.
God, Only You could take something so painful and somehow transform it daily into something so beautiful. I never wanted to be where I am now. Living without Nick. Living without Adrienne. And yet, You have shown me step by step that life is not about “what I want,” it is about You. Nick knew that. Thank you for allowing me to be the mom to such an amazing young man. I am blessed. And I believe with all of my being that You will redeem our time apart with a huge reunion. Thank you, Lord, for that eternal Hope. In Jesus’ Name, Amen
September 24th, 2009
I just had to let you know I love you!
Remember, we talked in the hall yesterday at school for a few minutes!!
When I got online tonight, you popped into my mind immediately, and I had to send you a personal little “hug” from my blog!
Have a great day tomorrow!
I’ll probably see you again! You are a precious woman who lives with such a servant heart, and I’m just thankful to call you friend!
September 23rd, 2009
September 23rd, 2009
I’m working feverishly and down-to-the-wire on a retreat for this weekend where I will be talking about the fact that HE CHOSE ME (or as I’d like to say) HE CHOSE US or HE CHOSE YOU…
The underlying theme is the bride of Christ which has had me wrestling greatly. I think because I have seen time and time again how terribly rocky marriage can be and how disappointing it can be as well….for so many…..and for me at times….so I never wanted my talks at the retreat to be centered around marriage.
Anyway, I’ve been subbing during the day this week and trying my best to teach about quotation marks, and italicizing the appropriate words in sentences, and all sorts of language arts things while at the same time being consumed emotionally with Scriptures about God’s faithfulness and our need for His constant love and adoration.
Then in the afternoons I’ve been running the carpool service back and forth to the middle school for practices and then coming back to the middle school to stay for the evening games….
which has been an opportunity to listen to some good KLove music as well as “think” a bit.
But now I’m down to the TRUE LAST WIRE!
I’m right up against the ticking clock, and I feel like God is pushing me in a different direction all of the sudden with some of my message and I am so deeply in thought and prayer that I need to ask for your prayers as well.
I also would be THRILLED with any insight you have on the Bride of Christ or the fact that HE CHOSE ME or HE CHOSE US or HE CHOSE YOU!!!!
I’m truly open!
And truly thankful for anyone who posts anything.
So thankful that if you post, I will place your name in a drawing for a book that I was honored to be a contributing writer in recently called “HUGS BIBLE REFLECTIONS FOR WOMEN.” In the book, I shared a story from Nick’s hospital experience about how God was there for us at a moment when we needed him desperately!! And how prayer got us through a very long and emotional night.
Thanks for sharing any comments, thoughts, Scriptures!
I know that this weekend is God’s! The devil has done everything he can think of to distract me. But he will not win!
September 22nd, 2009
1 Peter 2:9
9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.
May your day be filled with the reality that you are chosen, royal, holy, and belonging to God.
Then you can life a live that declares the “praises of Him who called out of darkenss into His wonderful light!”
Remember that the devil is here to rob, kill, and destroy…..
So as you live today, “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.”
The devil would love to whisper in your ear that you are not chosen, not royal, not holy, and not belonging to God. He will do whatever it takes to keep you from declaring praises to God.
I am praying for you as I head out to substitute teach!
May your day be filled with Him!
September 21st, 2009