Dealing With Anger

Have you ever been so mad you couldn’t see straight?

I have.

Have you ever lost it and said things you later wished you could take back?

I sure have.

It’s been a while since I’ve felt myself falling off the cliff of sanity in a fit of rage, but I carry with me the reality that certain things can easily make me snap.

So, what do I do when I feel my blood starting to boil?

Where do I go when I feel wronged personally or when  injustice in another person’s life pushes me toward a point of no return?

Where do I turn when my heart and mind are in conflict with the reality of what’s happening around me?

Here’s what I’ve learned about myself over the years.

I’ve learned that there are plenty of things and people in this world  that can upset me, but no thing or person has the ability to control me.

I have the choice………………every single time……………..to choose anger or peace in the midst of a difficult situation.

I’ve learned that turning on people never makes things better.

Ever.

Actually, when I allow people or situations to get the best of me, I actually give someone else permission to write part of my life story.

I hand over the pen as if to say,

“Here, take control.  Write as you wish.”

And I’ve also learned that when I can go to bed freed up from the mental drain of carrying anger every where I go,

I can sleep.

Soundly.

Peacefully.

Deeply.

A few weeks after Nick died,

I was incredibly angry.

So angry I could barely think straight.

With nowhere else to turn on this planet,

I remember laying in bed with my heart pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears.

I needed to scream in the darkness, but I knew even that wouldn’t help me.

I knew my anger was bigger than anything this world could fix.

And in the midst of my struggle to calm myself down,

I heard Tim snoring.

SNORING!

How could he snore when my heart was so broken??????

I felt my anger shifting towards him in that moment.

Honestly, it was as if I suddenly hated his very existence.

It scared me because in that moment I think I could have started punching his poor sleeping body if I had not heard a deep, soft voice whisper one word,

“Tammy.”

In the darkness of that night, I audibly heard my name.

I thought Tim had woken up so through clenched teeth I said, “What?”

Silence followed and then I realized that Tim was still snoring when once again I heard the soft, low voice say,

“Tammy.”

It’s the only time in my whole life when I believe I actually heard God speak out loud but I will never forget that night when I believe God knew He had to break through the barriers of Heavens and calm down my soul.

In that moment, I felt as if He were saying,

“Get a grip.”

“Calm down.”

“Trust me with your pain.”

“Go to sleep.”

I’ll never forget that night.

I’d love to say I’ve never been upset since then,

but sadly, this world gets the best of me from time to time.

But, I know this now.

God understands anger.

And in those moments when life or people push us toward the breaking point,

He is there.

He cares.

And even if we can’t always “hear” Him, I believe He is whispering our name.

I believe He is saying,

“Get a grip.”

“Calm down.”

“Trust me with your pain.”

Today, if you are dealing with anger, give it to Him who never said, “Don’t be angry.”

He simply said,

“In your anger do not sin.”

Come face to face with whatever it is that isn’t right in your life and let God help you navigate the choppy waters of hurt.

Let Him whisper,

“Peace, be still” into your storm.

Rest in His arms and let Him do the work.