There’s nothing spectacular about this little hill in Jerusalem other than the face you can see in the side of it if you look at it just right.

That’s where it gets its name,

“Golgotha, The Place of the Skull.” (Matt. 27:33)

It’s just a little, rocky hill in a country far away from the one in which I live.

Just one of thousands, probably millions, of hills I’ll never see in my lifetime.

Even though I’d like to see it. 

I’d like to climb to the top and see the view.

Why does this hill mean so much to me and obviously to so many others in the world?

In human terms, it’s just a place called Golgotha, but to many it is a popular tourist location.

golgothat two


Why has a rocky hill in a tiny country continued to draw crowds for years and years and years?

I think I know why.

I think deep inside every human heart there is the longing to know and believe that something happened on that hill that made

every unfair life experience,

every unanswerable question,

every doubt,

every fear,

every unanswered prayer………

become bearable.

On that hill, our Savior died.

And three days later rose again.

And even those who don’t believe are drawn here just to see this place.

Just to witness the location that Christians claim and history points to as the very spot where Jesus willingly died for me and for you.


I’ve struggled lately with unanswered prayers from the past.

I’ve questioned why God doesn’t give everyone a miracle when they need one.

I’ve felt a little blue and a little guilty at the same time.


And last night as I was at worship at KCU, the song leader was sharing about the unbelievable power of the Creator of the Universe and something flooded over me.

I saw Jesus on the cross and for the first time I realized just how difficult it must have been for God to withhold His Hand from those who were killing His Son.

To have all the power of the universe at your disposal and choose to watch Your Son die for many who would reject Him.

WHY? Why would God do this?

I asked myself this question in my head over and over last night as I stood in worship and I finally received the answer.

God KNEW that this was the only way to open the door to Heaven and forgiveness and life with Him eternally once and for all.

God knew this was the only way to conquer death.

He saw the other side.

He saw Sunday while we saw Friday.

He saw glorious resurrection while we saw painful agony.


And then I saw Nick in my mind.

Nick, weak and so beaten down by cancer.

Nick, frail to the point of needing help to painfully move from his wheelchair to the couch.

Nick, no longer able to use his arm and hand.

Nick, no longer able to smile.


And I saw God looking down and holding back the power to heal.

And suddenly I knew that God had to make the choice NOT to heal Nick and that it must have been so difficult.

And He must have wanted to so badly, but didn’t.


And as I cried in my heart and still begged, “WHY!?!?!”

I knew the truth.

It’s not that He didn’t hear our prayers.

He did.

It’s not that He didn’t want to heal Nick.

I think He did heal Nick.

God saw the other side.

God still saw Sunday while we saw Friday.

He saw glorious resurrection while we saw painful agony.


And I believe that God knew that through Nick’s death many other grieving moms would find life and hope.


My prayer today is that I can come to grips with my grief daily and that Nick’s death will continue to be a light to so many who do not get a miracle.

I cling to verses like this one,


For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Romans 8:18

I cling to the Hope of Heaven.

I miss Nick so much.

I could not take another step in this world if I did not believe with all my heart that I am walking on the road to Golgotha daily.

The high, but painful road.

On this road I am promised that these present sufferings cannot compare to the glory we will one day see.

Thank you, Lord, for this promise!

I love you all so much!

Have a day filled with the promise of eternity ever on your heart!

If you get your miracle, praise God.

If you don’t get your miracle, praise Him too.



God is with you.