Ecclesiastes 3
3b a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance…..
I remember the day when I woke up and realized that if Nick were going to be able to move freely from our house to the yard then we were going to have to build a ramp so that his wheelchair could leave the house without being lifted.

It was a sad day in many ways. Facing the reality that Nick couldn’t walk just broke my heart.

But then it was an exciting day, too, because suddenly Nick wasn’t “trapped” in the house!
He was able to reenter the beautiful green yard and move about as freely as he wanted to within the safety of his new life. I remember him sliding up the foot rests of the wheelchair so that he could rub his feet on the blades of grass below him. He was such an amazing kid! He soaked up even that little pleasure of being near the grass with such dignity and joy!
He is truly my inspiration.

Well, the day came almost as suddenly when I realized that we didn’t need the ramp anymore.
Nick had been released from his pain, his inability to walk! He was now running on the streets of gold!!!
So, with just as much sadness as we had built the ramp, we had it removed. Thankfully, a dear friend did this for us while we were not home. Thank you, J!
Today, the ramp finally left our yard. We wanted someone to use it. It was such a nice ramp. So we put the word out and very quickly found that their was a family who could benefit from it.
But I don’t think I was prepared for seeing it leave our driveway in the back of a pick-up truck.
I watched out the window as part of Nick’s story was taken away forever. A part that brings memories both happy and sad.
I’ve cried a lot tonight. More than I have in weeks. I think it’s been building for a while.
I have a pretty good headache now. I’ve had some deep talks with God…..laid it all out there….my questions, my confusion, my emptiness……………..
I texted my mom (I couldn’t call), and I guess the truth is just like I said it to her…..
“I don’t understand. I never will.”
Yes, I know God has a plan.
I had coffee with a friend tonight who is going through a different kind of suffering, and we shared our pain. I can look at her and so easily see that “God has a beautiful plan.”
But when I look at myself……
It’s harder to see how God can change my tears to laughter, my mourning to dancing…..
I just have to trust Him.
In His time,
In His time,
He makes all things beautiful,
In His time.
I just don’t like some of those “times.”
Eager to see Nick “dancing” with the angels!