His hat caught my eye.
That’s immediately what flashed through my mind as I saw him clinging to his mommy not wanting to enter the school.
I stopped because I knew she was struggling too.
I could see the tears in her eyes.
So I stopped and just said,
She shook her head with a yes and told me his Mondays were often like this after spending the weekend away from her with other family members.
He didn’t want to say bye.
He didn’t want to let go.
So, I knelt down and began to talk to him about all the things happening at school today,
“Dr. Seuss costumes, games, snacks….”
Then I looked up at his mom and said, “What’s his name?”
“Isaac,” she replied.
A wave of something significant rushed over me.
As I looked at this little boy, I remembered watching The Bible last night on the History Channel, and I remembered the feelings that stirred as I watched Abraham place Isaac on the altar.
The thought that God would take a man this far in his faith before providing a lamb still stretches me further than I like to go,
because God took me this far in my faith too.
He took me to the mountain.
He asked for my son too.
I remember vividly how I prayed and literally placed Nick on God’s lap over and over again in prayer, begging God to heal Him yet trusting God with his life.
I laid my Isaac down.
I trusted God with my son.
And four and a half years into my grief, I still do.
I can’t explain why.
There’s plenty of reasons to be angry, disappointed, confused.
But I think I’d be missing the point of Abraham’s story if I didn’t walk in faith today.
Abraham believed God even when life didn’t make sense.
And Abraham never got to see the fulfillment of all of God’s promises to him……
he died believing in something still to come.
“These were all commended for their faith,
yet none of them received what had been promised.”
So, I knelt back down to Isaac and I called him by name.
I talked to him a little more and then he responded by telling me about a little boy who had put his fist in his face in the bus room,
a boy he thought was his friend.
And I replied, “We’ll take care of this.”
Then he trusted me enough to take my hand and let his mom head to work.
And as I walked with Isaac,
I felt God sweep over me.
I felt him saying,
“Lay it down again, Tammy. Lay down all your dreams and trust me. I’ve got this.”
Suddenly, peace came that I haven’t been able to shake ever since I took Isaac’s hand yesterday.
I still have questions, but I have peace…….calm, confident peace.
I’ve been in turmoil a long, long time.
I’ve overthought so many things.
I try to work things out in my own power,
and God continues to whisper, “Lay it all down…….”
My son Nick taught me so much about laying it down.
His grin never left his face.
Through surgeries, chemo treatments, transfusions, MRIs, months of being in a wheelchair…….
Nick trusted God to take care of everything.
I want to trust like Abraham.
I want to trust like Nick.
Today, I’m thankful for a God who spoke through a chicken Friday and through a little boy named Isaac Monday…..
As I seek Him more and more, He is teaching me that He longs for me to fly in peace.
He longs for you to fly in peace too.
As Christians, we are called to live above this world.
We are of the air.
It’s impossible to fly without laying everything down.
What do you need to lay down today in order to soar in peace……..
even when we life doesn’t make sense?
Trust Him today.
He’s got this!
Thank you for sharing your heart! And for letting HIM speak through you!
This is the first time I’ve read one of your blogs….I’ve wanted to ever since we became friends on Facebook after you spoke at Greenford last Mother’s day….but I knew what you wrote about and I knew it would make me cry (like I’m doing right now) and sometimes its just easier to not think of my little sister….I still get so angry sometimes and ask God WHY he had to take her away from us….
But I’m glad I read this….I needed it not only the area of losing my little sister, but in other aspects of my life right now….
You are an amazing person, Tammy. I want to have your strength and faith….
That last comment was supposed to say “Sara McGath,” not “anonymous”
The story of Abraham and Isaac hits close to home for me too. Beautiful post.
Carolyn has just turned three. This evening she broke the string to her balloon. She said “mommom can fix it”. I told her not to break it again or I might not be able to fix it again. She told me if I could not fix it she would fly to KY and Pop (Grandpa) would fix it. She said she would “Fly like a bird!”. Your post about flying made me think of her remark. Interesting how the Lord gives even small children the ability to reason and come up with solutions to problems.
Think of you often
Sara and Keri, I love you. Thanks for writing to me. It means so much. And Carol, “Through the eyes of a child.” Powerful words………thank you! Love you all so much!
Simply Beautiful! Your Isaac story has been such a blessing! I struggle with trust and having patience, but I am reminded of how the Lord has everything under control when I make myself slow down and realize this!
I will have to say I have received so many compliments about “my Isaac” throughout the 5 years of his little life! I know he has truly been in blessing to me, and I am so thankful that is is so close to God and Innocent he doesnt think twice about speaking what’s on his ming about our merciful loving God! That morning you met him, inside I felt like I was about to explode, he was begging me not to make him go to school, and I was begging someone, anyone that I knew I could feel comfortable with, just come take him by the hand and help me out! I looked up and there you were! I trult believe we are definatelt entertaining Angels unaware! You’ll never ever know what you mean to me and my kids!