Living With A Complicated Soul

Pages turn in my Bible just as they do in the life of David.

Battles are fought.

And battles are won.

At the same time, kindness is extended to enemies.

Some, like Mephibosheth, accept the invitation to eat at the king’s table;

while others, like the Ammonites under the rule of Hanun,

question motives and reject the kindness sent their way.

All the while,

pages continue to turn in the life of Israel’s king.

As time moves on,

so does David’s pen,

and the book of Psalms grows longer just as like the years of David’s life.

David’s done a lot of living since his early days of tending sheep,

and thankfully, he takes some time in the middle of this living,

to slip away and record his thoughts.

As a writer,

I get it.

David needs a way to release his questions

while singing praise at the very same time.

David needs a way to remind himself of what he already knows.

“Some take pride in chariots, and others in horses,

but we take pride in the name of the Lord our God.”

Psalm 20:7

________________________

Sitting at his table,

watching Mephibosheth eat,

David surely sees reminders of Jonathan,

Mephibosheth’s dad and David’s best friend who had died years before.

Does he see reminders of Saul too,

Mephibosheth’s grandpa and the man who had wanted him dead.

Facial expressions

The angle of his smile

The sound of his voice

The look in his eyes

David chooses to sit at the table every single day

with reminders of deep love and great hate rolled into one person,

right next to him.

David has a complicated soul.

He is drawn to doubt just as often as he chooses to trust.

One day he is filled with hope.

The next day he is overcome with despair.

The conflict in David’s heart comes to life every time he sits down to eat,

watching Mephibosheth pass the butter and chew his food.

When he learns of the death of one of his greatest enemies,

the Ammonite king,

David sends representatives to console his son.

David walks the fence of hating his enemies while loving them at the very same time

and risks rejection in order to make peace all along the way.

His writings are no different than his actions.

One minute he confidently leans back into the arms of God;

and the next,

he struggles to find these very same arms worthy of trust.

But he writes anyway………….

Honest

Raw

Transparent

And he invites the enemy to his table

while extending a hand of grace to another.

David makes me feel normal.

I’m complicated too.

I’m so thankful that in spite of all the conflicting emotions David brought to the table as the pages of his life turned,

he was still remembered as

“a man after God’s own heart.”

I Sam. 13:14

I mess up often.

Fall short.

Wander.

Question.

Doubt.

But I love God all the while.

And I pray I’ll be remembered as someone after God’s own heart too.

(Today’s reading was from II Sam. 8-10; I Chron. 18-19; Psalms 20; 53; 60 and 75.)