I have a burden today for several families who are grieving deeply.
In many ways, I grieve all over again when I grieve with them. And I felt this urge to revisit my blog and share something before leaving this weekend in case any of these grieving families came here.
I never wanted to reach a point with losing Nick where I could be “okay” with him being anywhere but safely in my arms..
I remember when he was very sick feeling so scared that one day I would reach that point AND I remember vividly looking at his sweet face and thinking, “Lord, I will never be okay with you taking him from me.”
Almost 15 months have passed since the day we watched Nick slip from this life into the next.
I can hardly believe I am typing those words.
And I just want all who are grieving to know this:
I will never be okay with having to temporarily say “bye” to Nick but as each day passes I do believe that God gives me a determination to take one more step nearer to Him and nearer to Nick when I lean on Him for my everything.
I never want to say to someone, “Time heals.”
It doesn’t.
Time may soften the pain, but I don’t ever want to be totally healed. And if you have not lost someone very, very near to you that may not make sense. But trust me-Healing is something that I believe only Heaven will bring when loss is so deep.
But I do want to say this:
Keep getting up.
Keep pressing on.
Keep washing your face and eating breakfast and all of those other things that may seem pointless right now.
Keep talking.
Keep praying.
Keep sharing your loved ones’ life with everyone around you.
Keep loving.
I love you all so much,
In December of 2007 as our youngest son, Nick, was fighting brain cancer, I began to blog. Writing provided a way for me to release all of my questions, fears, and doubts. It also allowed me to share the ups and downs of Nick's journey with people who were praying for him all over the world. When Nick went Home in November of 2008, my blog became my way of searching for God in the midst of my deep heartache. My heart was broken and grief brought to the surface every emotion imaginable. Being able to release those emotions through my writing brought a sense of purpose to my pain. Having already walked the road of grief in 1992 when we lost our daughter to SIDS, I knew I needed a way to keep from falling into a pit of depression and despair. I had walked close to the edge of a bottomless pit when we lost our daughter,and I knew I couldn't let myself get that close to the edge again. This blog has been and continues to be my tiny corner of the world where I can share My Heart as I journey through God's Word.......thus the name........ My Heart His Words. Thank you for taking time to share life with me. If we do not meet while here on earth, I look forward to hearing all about your life when we reach our final destiny.........Heaven! Email me anytime at 
Tammy, I believe you wrote this for me today! I literally just found out an hour ago that my grandfather’s colon cancer has spread to his lungs (he had surgery this morning to biopsy the spot they found..)and something told me to read your blog before I leave to go to Lexington to be with my family. I know I’m lucky..he is still alive…but I just lost my other papaw to lung cancer one year ago. It’s tough going through this again…but you are right! I have to keep getting up and going on with my life. I have to keep praying and keep staying positive. Thanks for the reminder!
I get it. You know I do. Makes perfect sense to me.
Melanie
I’m right there with you! I realized this morning it has been 25 months today, since I have seen Peyton. 25 months closer to when I will see him and hug him again. 🙂
What a wonderful encouraging message. Doesn’t matter how old the person who goes to be with the Lord is, I don’t think you can ever be really okay with them going. My husband died an early death but had a long and satisfying life but I still miss him after three years nearly. Especially times like now when I had to call an ambulance to take myself to hospital and am now recovering from an emergency operation. I didn’t have Maurice’s support but the Lord was with me everystep of the way. Just not quite the same as a human cuddle though! I am progressing well
There you are once again, spiritual, thoughtful, stronger than anyone can imagine,
and passing on wisdom for the soul. Sandy from MD
Awww friend…I love ya so!
Tammy…a bright, sunny Ohio winter morning to you. The chubbiest 1st robin appeared in my little cherry tree and cheered me a bit ago.
I get up and going each day.Somedays tears are close to the surface but I rely on ‘my Jesus’ (as Nora called Him). A daily purpose from Him sets my course. Some days find me at the bookshop where I can help my husband and ‘give hugs’ as Nora would say to others who struggle.
Other days I ‘chill’ at home and sort and enjoy the quiet.
Thanks for understanding…Deedy
We are reaching the two year anniversary of Renee slipping away from life on this earth. What you said is so true and yes, we have to move on and learn to live with the pain that will always be there.
Martha
Hey Tammy, we think alike I never ever tell them time will heal it doesnt you just learn to deal with the pain over time.. im not posting my name but look at your wrist”mom” you’ll know who it is..love and miss you!