One of the “messages” that really struck me this past weekend was that “life has to come first”-
God
Family
Friends
Responsibilities
Since Nick went Home last November……I still can’t believe it happened……I definitely can’t believe it has been over 8 months…..
It has been hard to dive back into normal things.
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, shopping………
Those things that have to be done to keep a house running.
I’ve found myself much like I was in 1992 when we lost Adrienne. Sort-of stuck in survival mode. Not really caring if the clean laundry stays in baskets all over the house. Not really thinking about supper until someone asks me “what are we having?”
You never want to use the word “depressed” when you’re trying so hard to be a Christian who is full of joy, but in some ways, I think I have been feeling just that.
Why do we hide that emotion?
Someone the other day was saying, “I hate to say I’ve been depressed….since I’m a Christian.”
And I replied, ‘You know, I think lots of people in the Bible were at times……Elijah, David, Solomon……maybe even Paul……..” So , I think it’s ok. She smiled and we continued our conversation.
Later it struck me that I am okay with other people feeling normal feelings, but I’m not okay with myself feeling them. Why is that?!?!
Well, anyway, I came home from the conference so inspired, so strengthened, so determined to “get my act back together, be a good mom and wife, and press on for the Lord!”
And now a week has almost passed and I have to tell you……………..
I’ve been so busy I haven’t even had time to stop and write much.
Todd and Olivia have started school.
Maria’s room is decorated and her first day went well as a teacher.
Tim’s parents are here as well as his sister, brother-in-law, and nephew.
I think about all of you every day and long for just a few minutes of peace and quiet just to sit and share more of how God worked this past weekend in order to show me His amazing love even in my pain…….
But for today, I just had to send this note to let you know those words are coming…….
later.
Today I must be a good sister-in-law, aunt, daughter-in-law, wife, mom, and friend……
Loving you all and thanking God for you daily,
In December of 2007 as our youngest son, Nick, was fighting brain cancer, I began to blog. Writing provided a way for me to release all of my questions, fears, and doubts. It also allowed me to share the ups and downs of Nick's journey with people who were praying for him all over the world. When Nick went Home in November of 2008, my blog became my way of searching for God in the midst of my deep heartache. My heart was broken and grief brought to the surface every emotion imaginable. Being able to release those emotions through my writing brought a sense of purpose to my pain. Having already walked the road of grief in 1992 when we lost our daughter to SIDS, I knew I needed a way to keep from falling into a pit of depression and despair. I had walked close to the edge of a bottomless pit when we lost our daughter,and I knew I couldn't let myself get that close to the edge again. This blog has been and continues to be my tiny corner of the world where I can share My Heart as I journey through God's Word.......thus the name........ My Heart His Words. Thank you for taking time to share life with me. If we do not meet while here on earth, I look forward to hearing all about your life when we reach our final destiny.........Heaven! Email me anytime at 
I suppose its hard to dive back into the “normal things” when nothing is really normal anymore – but God helps us create a new normal…and all that busyness, I believe, can be a good coping mechanism – as long as we allow God to order our time and priorities! You have such a sweet, sensitive spirit….God will certainly direct your days…and use you to bless us in the process! Praying you have a great weekend, sweet friend.
Jennifer
Be whatever you need to be and we’ll still be here waiting our turn to hear from you. The face to face people in your life come first.
i think i was brought up to being told the falsehood that if you were really a Christian than you wouldn’t be depressed. what a lie. you are so right in those that you point out from the Bible.
glad you are busy being a great wife/mom/sil/dil/friend!! and i know you really are being a GREAT one.
love to you!
sheryl
Tammy, praying for you and your family. Also, I wanted to wish you a “Happy Birthday,” Hope you have a great one. Love you, Lexie
Praising God with you!
Love you,
Sarah Rader