I’m subbing today. Yes, my mom is with Nick, and I am actually out in the work world trying to have a somewhat “normal” day! I am in the BD (Behavior Disorder) room today where kids often come when they are not doing what they should be doing in class.
I had to laugh today when one of the students who had been brought down to the classroom looked over at another boy and said, “So what are you in here for?” Actually, I laughed out loud. It was so cute and so innocent and yet so powerful when you think about it.
Kids know when they’ve done something wrong, and kids know that punishment is the consequence. And yet, time and time again many of these kids seem to make the wrong choices placing them right back where they had been the day before….
Aren’t we just like kids?
I know how to be patient. I know how to control my tongue. I know how to encourage my husband and not discourage him. I know how to praise my kids rather than belittle them. I know how keep my thoughts focused on things above. I know how to trust God even though life is very uncertain.
And yet…….
Just like a child, I find myself “right back where I was before” so many times. Feeling disappointed in myself, feeling depressed, feeling guilty, feeling lonely, and the list goes on and on.
The next time I find myself having one of those days where I’m feeling much less worthy of the name Christian than I’d like, I am going to look in the mirror and say, “So, what are you in here for?”
Maybe then, I can begin to hold myself more accountable.
Paul knew just how I feel when he said, “The things I want to do, I don’t do; and the things I don’t want to do, I do.”
I will be looking for Paul when I get to Heaven, because I want to give him a hug and tell him, “thank you” for being honest. He could very easily have been the boy in my class today who was trying to figure out what he had done wrong…………this time.
Grateful for the wisdom of a child’s heart,
Tammy
PS Nick is having a good day with Mamaw!
In December of 2007 as our youngest son, Nick, was fighting brain cancer, I began to blog. Writing provided a way for me to release all of my questions, fears, and doubts. It also allowed me to share the ups and downs of Nick's journey with people who were praying for him all over the world. When Nick went Home in November of 2008, my blog became my way of searching for God in the midst of my deep heartache. My heart was broken and grief brought to the surface every emotion imaginable. Being able to release those emotions through my writing brought a sense of purpose to my pain. Having already walked the road of grief in 1992 when we lost our daughter to SIDS, I knew I needed a way to keep from falling into a pit of depression and despair. I had walked close to the edge of a bottomless pit when we lost our daughter,and I knew I couldn't let myself get that close to the edge again. This blog has been and continues to be my tiny corner of the world where I can share My Heart as I journey through God's Word.......thus the name........ My Heart His Words. Thank you for taking time to share life with me. If we do not meet while here on earth, I look forward to hearing all about your life when we reach our final destiny.........Heaven! Email me anytime at 
When I first started reading your post, Paul’s verse came right to my mind….”the things I want to do..and vice versa” (my version there) – why is that?? But if Paul struggled with it, then you can only imagine how I struggle! Each day is another new day – to start anew and keep at it!!
Love ya, Tammy!
I just want to say thanks. That was beautiful! I have been thinking the same things lately. I want God’s blessing a lot, but sometimes, I get lazy. I feel so bad later, but I always know what “I’m in for.” Isn’t it awesome to share revelations from the Lord with fellow brothers and sisters? If God had a “bad class” I’d have an assigned seat! Praise the Lord for Nick by the way! God is so good! Iamblessedtrm@blogspot.com
Tammy,
Life is a struggle in so many ways. I know you know that. But, it is so annoying when you do what you don’t want to do and don’t do what you do want to do.
Thanks for sharing!
Love,
Cheryl
Tammy,
Oh how I can so relate to your words about all those lists of things “I know” and yet act like a child at time. Oh, and the feelings of guilt, depression, regret. I don’t know about you but those feelings seem to linger with me more than I care for them to.
Glad Nick is having a good day. I bet those two have a ball together.
It’s great you are in the work place today. That gives everyone probably a much change of scene and pace.
Love ya,
Paula
So what are you in here for?…that’s funny! I’d have laughed out loud too!And how true your words are that I too end up where I used to be while trying to move forward, away from the past.
Yes, me and Paul will be friends in heaven that is for sure!!
I am so sure that you were a “light” to those students on that day.
Wonderful to hear that Nick had a good day with Mamaw. She sounds like she is a real blessing to your family!
hugs,
Kim
I just love you SO much! I’m glad we think along the same lines so many times. I’ve often wondered the same thing… You are such a blessing to my life!
SO very glad Nick is having a good day and that life is showing you a “normal day”.
Blessings to you, today & always.
Love,
Bonnelle