Tim is up late tonight writing two funeral sermons.
Two precious men from our community were killed this weekend in a motorcycle accident, both leaving hurting families trying to cope with such sudden and tragic loss.
I’ve been cleaning and doing some laundry—- periodically peeking down to the room Tim is in and seeing him sometimes typing, sometimes in his Bible, and sometimes just looking off across the room.
I don’t know what the Lord will lead Tim to say.
I just pray that God takes over and somehow reaches through Tim’s voice to the people in both congregations……….(one tomorrow and the other on Thursday)………..
Showing them that even in this darkest hour, He is still right there with them.
Life is so fragile, so uncertain…………..
It’s at moments like these that I find myself going back and forth in my mind between times when I read people’s praises for answered prayers as they say things like, “God is working. God is with us. God is listening,”
to times like tonight when there are women alone in their beds missing their men……
and children missing their dads………..
and I find myself angry for the times I’ve made comments like those above as if God is not working, not with us, not listening when our prayers aren’t answered.
I guess that’s been my biggest struggle since losing Nick. Hearing Christians make comments like these when things are going their way………and then wondering to myself what that means about the fact that our prayers for Nick’s healing weren’t answered in the way we believed with all our heart they could be through God’s unlimited power and ability to DO ALL THINGS.
Since Nick’s death, I’ve had to really have some huge debates in my mind.
I’ve had to really think about where I was spiritually before he went Home.
And the truth is that I was right where so many others are today…………..
The difference in me now is that I believe prayer is so much more about our relationship with God than it is about Him sitting on the edge of His throne waving a wand to make our wishes come true.
My faith and trust in Him actually grow deeper when my prayers aren’t answered the way I long for them to be.
That’s tough to swallow.
Believe me, I’m thankful when God’s plans for me are comfortable, pleasing, and painless.
But I love the way Beth Moore says she now prays,
“Lord, protect my family only from that which will not bring You glory.”
Wow!
That’s a trusting prayer.
So, when I think that way. When I remember that I really did place Nick on God’s lap, trusting Him to do what was best for Him…..and His Kingdom…..not for me…….and honestly, what was best for Nick, then I feel peace.
And when I think of the two funeral sermons Tim is working on, I remember the two hurting families and the many long, dark, confusing days they have ahead of them. I pray that the right people, the right words, the right books, the right circumstances will protect them further pain and will lead them to Him who loves them more than life itself.
Without Him I do not know where I would be today.
Crawling out of my own nightmare and praying that through my numerous dark nights full of questions I can somehow help these families crawl out of theirs,
In December of 2007 as our youngest son, Nick, was fighting brain cancer, I began to blog. Writing provided a way for me to release all of my questions, fears, and doubts. It also allowed me to share the ups and downs of Nick's journey with people who were praying for him all over the world. When Nick went Home in November of 2008, my blog became my way of searching for God in the midst of my deep heartache. My heart was broken and grief brought to the surface every emotion imaginable. Being able to release those emotions through my writing brought a sense of purpose to my pain. Having already walked the road of grief in 1992 when we lost our daughter to SIDS, I knew I needed a way to keep from falling into a pit of depression and despair. I had walked close to the edge of a bottomless pit when we lost our daughter,and I knew I couldn't let myself get that close to the edge again. This blog has been and continues to be my tiny corner of the world where I can share My Heart as I journey through God's Word.......thus the name........ My Heart His Words. Thank you for taking time to share life with me. If we do not meet while here on earth, I look forward to hearing all about your life when we reach our final destiny.........Heaven! Email me anytime at 
Thanks for your insight fabulous friend! Love ya!
Praying that Tim’s words and your compassion will show the familyies that God is love.
Your words tonight are powerful as so many struggle with anger towards God for prayers “unanswered”. But, he always answers doesn’t he?…even if we don’t like it.
You are such a faithful person. It amazes me sometimes. I know you struggle like you said but your transparency reaches people.
Keep on keeping on.
Now you got me thinking, and I will be praying for those two precious families.
I too have questioned. Was my relationship not close enough? If not, how close is close enough? I would find myself getting angry at people for thanking God for trivial things, because the biggest thing in my life was gone.
But the questions and the anger are only human emotions. Emotions that are God given, but they are not to rule me.
I was taught by a wonderful Pastor we are not to base our faith on our experiences, but on God’s word. No matter what I have “experienced” it does not nullify the promises in God’s word. And though it may be difficult I will stand on my Father’s promises.
I pray these families find peace and hope in the fact that our Father loves them.
My faith and trust in Him actually grow deeper when my prayers aren’t answered the way I long for them to be.
Words of such wisdom from someone who has experienced what it truly means to bless the Lord in ALL things.
I love your heart, your passion and tender spirit.
I’m so blessed the Lord allowed our paths to cross.
You continually point us to Jesus♥
Dearest Tammy & Tim,
I know you will find the right words to say….they will come from your heart and soul…..So saddened to hear about those two men. I will definately say many prayers for their famillies. We have all been to that place where we blame others…..I have learned from you that God did take care of Scott and Nick and did what was best for them. I love you and I am so sorry that I haven’t written to you lately. Went on vacation and NO internet. xoxoxoxo Char
I am so happy that I happened upon your blog. Your words are worth reading and your faith is what lifts you up and helps you through each day. We need the Lord everywhere in our lives to make it through each. God bless and may you continue to find the right words to reach out to all of those who have an open ear to listen. Sandy in MD
Your thoughts are beautiful and heartfelt. I am so sorry for the survivors of the accident….and for your losses as well.
Heaven gets closer and sweeter every day doesn’t it?
Becky
This statement is SO deep, Tammy. Thank you for saying it.
“My faith and trust in Him actually grow deeper when my prayers aren’t answered the way I long for them to be.”
These words are SO true!