What Would I Do????

In just 41 minutes, it will be May 22.

May 22 is Nick’s birthday.

This means that 15 years ago tonight was my last night to not have Nicholas Yancy Nischan in my life…to never have another day of living without the knowledge of Nick.

Knowing the pain that our family has endured because of our grief and the pain that Nick endured in his fight with cancer can easily make a person wonder what you would do if you could go back in time and change anything about history?

Would I choose a life where I never got to meet Nick simply so that I could be spared sadness and he could be spared illness?

In some ways the logical answer seems to be “yes.”

But somehow God goes beyond human logic when He sets us out on this crazy journey called, “life,” knowing all the twists and turns and ups and downs we will face ALL ALONG THE WAY.

In spite of this Almighty view of life, God chooses to set us out into this world anyway and THANKFULLY gives us some promises to keep us on the right track.

He promises to go before us.

He promises to make the rough places smooth.

He promises to give us life and LIFE ABUNDANTLY!

He promises that He will turn our tears into laughter.

He promises to bring good from all situations for those who love Him.

He promises to never leave us.

He promises to never forsake us.

He promises that His love is never-ending.

He promises that His mercy is new every morning.

He promises that those who are absent from the body are present with the Lord.

He promises that He is preparing a place for us..a place with many rooms!!!

And the list goes on and on and on and on……..

So, tomorrow is Nick’s 15th birthday and he is not here to celebrate his special day.

It hurts.

But as Joyce Meyer would say, “I know that I know that I know that NICK IS GREAT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

So, if I could go back to this time in my life 15 years ago, what would I do?

I’d do the very same thing I did last time!

I would love every minute with my sweet Nick during his wonderful 13 years here on Earth and be thankful for a precious boy who made life better for so, so many…and still does every day!

That’s what I would do!

Happy Birthday to my sweet brown-eyed baby boy!

I love you so much!!!

Here’s a thumbs-up piece of cake from Olivia’s birthday party in January! 

We couldn’t believe it when this piece of cake was unknowingly set on a plate straight from the spatula!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           


olivias  birthday and quelf 131 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NICHOLAS YANCY NISCHAN!


WE MISS YOU EVEN MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 thoughts on “What Would I Do????

  1. happy birthday,nick!

    happy birthing day to you, tammy! i am at a loss for words honestly because my first response is “no…i would not knowingly choose this pain”…YET i would never choose to have not known one of my children.

    nick has impacted and will continue to impact so many lives! thank you for sharing him with us.

    love to you and your family!! you all amaze me.

  2. LOVE YOU DEAR FRIEND!!! I am praying for you!!!

    A voice of one calling:
    “In the desert prepare
    the way for the LORD;
    make straight in the wilderness
    a highway for our God.
    Every valley shall be raised up,
    every mountain and hill made low;
    the rough ground shall become level,
    the rugged places a plain.
    And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
    and all mankind together will see it.
    For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”

    Isaiah 40:3-5

  3. Tammy,
    I only know you and your precious son through this blog and ependyparents.
    You are a beautiful woman of God, your tenderness and love flows from your words.
    Many blessings to you my friend as you remember Nick on this special day.

  4. Sweet Tammy,

    Once again we are on a similar page… This month marks the 12th year without our son and I have sometimes had similar thoughts. Over and over the Lord keeps causing me to say…. HE is faithful… even though I don’t understand… HE is faithful… even though my heart still feels there’s a hole there… HE is faithful… even though I wish so badly that I could go back and do things differently…. HE is faithful.

    I love you dear friend.

  5. Tammy

    Praying for you and Tim today.
    The pain will always be there, but knowing and loving Nick was so special. I just can’t imagine life without those memories.
    Through your tears hang on to the beautiful memories as you continue to hang on to the Lord’s promises.
    See you in six weeks.

  6. I always come to the same conclusion. Would rather have had Renee for the almost 24 years, than not at all, in spite of all the pain of having her leave us so soon.