Why am I surprised that my mind has been swirling this weekend with anxious thoughts?
Erich’s all-night work schedule followed by all-night driving with Tim and Evan to get to California, his flight back home to Nashville, Mallory being home alone while he was away………
Evan’s hunt for a place to live, his upcoming job interviews, the California traffic he has to get use to…….all things I can’t control.
Todd’s transition to college, dorm life issues, relationship changes……..so many more situations that are out of my hands.
Olivia’s friendships, her feelings of insecurity and need for a best friend, her classes at school………more and more things that I want to somehow magically “make better.”
I should have remembered how “fully relying on God” became a bigger struggle as I prepared to speak on the topic. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been so shocked when I found myself trying to carry the load for all of my kids when I am speaking on the very topic this Friday night.
There’s so many different kinds to carry.
Sometimes it’s our past that weighs us down. Sometimes it’s fear of the future.
And yet other times, it’s the very present road we’re walking that seems to hand us overloaded suitcases.
I walked last night and talked with God the whole time. I tried to be honest (He knows my heart anyway). I tried to tell Him I want to let go of all of these things that aren’t mine to hold anyway. I’ve got to find a way, and for me I think it’s going to be a literal suitcase, to place all my worries in His Hands.
Tonight, I am going to get in the attic and find an old suitcase, and I’m going to write down everything that is weighing me down on slips of paper and fill the suitcase up. Then I’m going to shut it and put it somewhere in plain sight. I want to be reminded daily that God carries all my worries and doubts…………when I remember this, I can breathe more easily, sleep more peacefully, walk more confidently, and run more freely.
I told God yesterday that deep inside I want to write my own story and I want to write my kids’ stories, but I felt like God was telling me to put the pencil down.
He is the Author and Perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:2) and my kids’ faith. My story and their stories are being written by Him not me.
When I let go of the pencil and set down the suitcase, I am able to lift my hands and worship Him and Him alone.
Today, that’s what I’m going to try to do……
Praying you can do the same.