As we drove to Huntington yesterday morning for our first hospital visit, I knew that in spite of my inner struggle it was the journey planned for me on this particular day.
I had shared with Angela before we left the fact that I was feeling oppressed, discouraged, and somewhat confused about why Nick had to die in order for these good things to happen……I believed so strongly throughout Nick’s entire illness that he would be healed….that God would use him in mighty ways…..
And if you followed our journey through cancer you know that I did my best to praise God NO MATTER WHAT the news was for that day or what we as a family or Nick as a sweet patient had had to endure.
However, in spite of all of that, for some reason I may not totally grasp until the day I stand before my Heavenly Father, Nick’s life was ordained to last 13 years. I love Psalm 139,
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
This passage gave me such strength when we lost Adrienne too. Knowing that God had ordained 6 weeks for her to be with us before one of her days came to be. It gave me peace so that I would not always wonder things like, “What she would have been, what she would have looked like, etc.” I just knew that God never, ever planned her life past 6 weeks. She was a 6-week gift that changed my life in amazing ways.
Now I have to come to grips with the reality that Nick was a 13-year gift. A precious gift.
And as I do, I have to enjoy and cherish all of the things that both Nick and Adrienne have brought not only to my life but also to the world……..things that are eternal.
So, after talking a bit with Angela we prayed and headed on our way to Cabell Hospital with Kim, a friend whose son has also been down the chemo road.
When we arrived at the hospital, we were told to go to human resources. A room had been reserved. We were a little early and the room was not quite ready, so Janet took us up an elevator to her “plan B” conference room which, as God would have it, was also being used by someone else. By this time we were all kind of chuckling as we wandered around looking for a free space…..a waiting room, anywhere to sit and talk. Janet found a conference room in one hall with no light on and we walked in and sat down. I couldn’t believe it when I looked on the table and right in front of me lay…………….of all things………………
I knew so deeply in my heart that God had directed our steps and that Nick was affirming our journey!!! I didn’t have a meltdown in front of this lady I had never met, but I wanted to!!
I saved my tears til I got back to Grayson, and then I just let them pour in the privacy of my living room!!
Oh, God, You just amaze me!!
Thank you, Father of Nick, Father of Adrienne, and Father of all my other children as well as Father of all of us, I can’t imagine surviving this life without You! You are my Sustainer, Provider, Comforter, Shepherd, and so much more!
Today is Yours again, Lord. Help us live it for You and You alone. In Your Son’s Precious and Holy Name of Jesus, Amen
Today we head to another hospital….actually in just 15 minutes so I had better finish getting ready!!
Tonight is our big assembly tonight! 100 baskets!!! I’ll take lots of pictures.
And I promise that after we get through this adventure, I’ll get back to sharing India!
Thankful for each of you! Don’t forget to sign up for the give away below!