How to Become a Famous Blogger…
I decided to share all of these “blogging perspectives” before telling you that it is 2:21 a.m., and I am watching the Esther Veggietales movie…
I just finished a bowl of chips and salsa, and I’m sipping a bottle of Diet Coke (not a 2-liter, just in case you thought I’d totally lost it).
I know that Tim will be checking my blog in the morning to see what “I’m thinking” right now, since I spent the entire evening in the backyard having a major meltdown..
partly by myself and partly with a dear friend who came with a box of Kleenex to sit in the dark in a lawn chair and listen to me go on and on and on and on about how much I miss Nick and about how the devil worked overtime from this morning until tonight to make me doubt just about EVERYTHING (except God!).
I know that Mom will read my blog at some point, and I know it is hard for her when I am having a down time. So, I started this blog with some smiles, because the truth is: I know Nick is good. I know that Heaven is real. I know that God loves me.
I just had a day today where so many different conversations made me rethink my prayers for Nick while he was sick (did I pray hard enough, did I believe enough, did I trust enough)…those kinds of things.
And truthfully, I’ve just missed Nick desperately this weekend. So much that my heart has ached. So much that I have closed my eyes hoping to open them and see him sitting in front of me grinning. So much that I’ve imagined him hugging me and me hugging him right back.
Grief is relentless.
I’m weary tonight. Needing others to pray for me…pray that my arms will stay strong enough to hold up my shield of faith.
I’ve been amazed at how God has brought several sermons in a row on late night television to speak straight to my heart.
Thank you, Lord, for Your Word. Thank you for walking this rough road patiently with me.
I do feel better. I think I can sleep now. I knew I couldn’t sleep without sharing with all of you….which makes the cartoons above even funnier to me.
Blogging is a risky outlet. …but it’s a risk I am willing to take.
Thank you for loving me in spite of my weaknesses,