But when I was silent and still,
not even saying anything good,
my anguish increased.
My heart grew hot within me,
and as I meditated, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:
When I ponder these verses, I feel as if David somehow could read my mind years ago and know just how I would feel in 2010…………………
I’m thankful that God chose to place such honest words in the Scriptures.
Passages like this one help me feel normal when I find myself waffling back and forth from days of feeling and sharing my deep sadness to days where I just want to smile and share about a book report Olivia has done at school or about a mouse hiding in our closet.
Sometimes I think about taking a break from my blog once again, and I may decide I need to do that. It has been a good thing for me in the past to occasionally pull away and simply “be still.”
But, like David, I sometimes feel anguish increasing inside me when I am silent for too long not even sharing anything that is good. 🙂 So for now, I will continue to speak with my tongue (or my keyboard) when the fire does burn inside me.
I love that the very next chapter in the Psalms begins with a passage I memorized last year:
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
Like David, I do believe that healing comes after I confess out loud what I am feeling.
Today, God has once again lifted me out of a pit.
Olivia and I are headed to Lexington to visit a friend and then to Cincinnati to attend a bridal shower for my future sister-in-law. Thank you for loving our family through the sad days and the happy ones. I love you all so much and am thankful for the promise that I will spend eternity getting to know you all better,