Our eyes locked and I knew.
Distance.
A chasm even.
Noone’s fault really.
Two busy lives.
Two filled worlds.
And yet the ache was the same.
Guilt.
Doubt.
Regret maybe…I’m not sure of every emotion that ran through me.
But one thing I’m sure of is this.
I don’t want to forget what real”ly” matters.
I don’t want to get so caught up in life that I let things slip.
Like friendships.
And cooking meals for my family.
And keeping my house cozy.
And creating fun memories for Olivia.
I struggle to balance a career, motherhood, marriage, and friendships.
When I work, I work intense”ly.”
When I love, I love deep”ly”.
When I care, I care passionate”ly.”
And sometimes all these “lys” collide, and I’m left feeling complete”ly” confused.
God, who am I?
Every time I get to this point, I come back to the same answer.
“I am just Tammy. a grieving mom, trying to make a little difference in a broken world.”
Then I lean my head back and wonder how in the world I ended up where I am, and I ask God to speak clear”ly.”
Is this just a chapter, a season, a training-time, or is this it?
I want to know.
My hands are open.
My heart is too.
I want to live a life that real”ly” matters.
I want to crawl in bed at night and know that I have lived my day ful”ly” in His will.
Happi”ly,” joyful”ly,” thankful”ly,” humb”ly,” patient”ly,” honest”ly.”
And I also want to lock eyes with dear friends and know that they know that they are a huge part of what matters to me.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matt. 22:36-40
Lord, help me today, to bring every conversation, every decision, into Your presence….
and choose wise”ly” what real”ly” matters.
You matter most.
In December of 2007 as our youngest son, Nick, was fighting brain cancer, I began to blog. Writing provided a way for me to release all of my questions, fears, and doubts. It also allowed me to share the ups and downs of Nick's journey with people who were praying for him all over the world. When Nick went Home in November of 2008, my blog became my way of searching for God in the midst of my deep heartache. My heart was broken and grief brought to the surface every emotion imaginable. Being able to release those emotions through my writing brought a sense of purpose to my pain. Having already walked the road of grief in 1992 when we lost our daughter to SIDS, I knew I needed a way to keep from falling into a pit of depression and despair. I had walked close to the edge of a bottomless pit when we lost our daughter,and I knew I couldn't let myself get that close to the edge again. This blog has been and continues to be my tiny corner of the world where I can share My Heart as I journey through God's Word.......thus the name........ My Heart His Words. Thank you for taking time to share life with me. If we do not meet while here on earth, I look forward to hearing all about your life when we reach our final destiny.........Heaven! Email me anytime at 
TAMMY GOD HAS PLACED YOU RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE DOING ALL THAT YOU DO. I feel God gave us that rib of Adam because he knew what we as women are capable of. We do what really matters in each phase of our life especially if we walk with the Lord. Just remember to stop and breathe in doing everything you do. And sometimes doing all and being all, we need to take a break because we really matter as well. Have a precious wonderful loving day. Hugs, Sandy B
I SO appreciate this post, Tammy. As grieving mothers, (with that extra layer of sensitivity?) we look perhaps more seriously into the eyes of friends and famly. I, like you, don’t want to miss the best thing He calls me to. I struggle with other’s hurt, but am learning to trust that my sesitivity is for His purpose. Thank you for reminding us of Matthew 22. Loveyou, D.